Fun and games for December, 2013....

Just for shits and grins, I decided to research who the hell sent me some spam...

http://reversewhois.domaintools.com/tommy-heward will show you the many domains he's registered...

and this little gem, http://whois.domaintools.com/wtergroup.net will tell you who and where he is. Such a username... trunk_you_88@hotmail.com.

Send him a holiday card... or something.

To all spammers who offer lots of money for transfer..

Compliments,
Would you be interested in assisting me move USD8.6m
that has been abandoned in an account with my bank?
Please respond if interested for more details.
Thank you,
Liu Yan.

All such offers welcome. Actually, just a few hundred thousand dollars would be fine.
Send account name and password to my email address [see home page... Thanks, again!

Now, who in their right mind would reply to "SFG [sydney@mail.Ferretsandfinches.com]" to get information on anything serious? Get a life, spammers.

You really think I'm going to reply to...

"Ne izdav ni zvuka, on vzmetnul priklad smercha vverh. Ty tak dumaesh? Nkot, s glubokoj pechaliu v izumrudnyh glazah, pokachal golovoj: Izvini, El. Ot kaznennogo ostalas lish gruda slabo dymiashchegosia pepla. A za podonka otvetish. Ili hotia by Ostavit klinok v tele na neskolko chasov. Prodolzhalo temnet. No obychno delo etim i Ogranichivalos. Da, navernoe, delo bylo v etom v Prisutstvii kakoj-to neopredelennoj ugrozy, kotoraia, kazalos, vitala vokrug, Slovno melkaia pyl, vsporhnuvshaia ot neostorozhnogo dvizheniia da tak i povisshaia v Vozduhe. Vy pravy, neohotno priznal ia, tozhe perehodia na vezhlivuiu formu Obrashcheniia. Zria ia novoe, neobkatannoe sedlo Vzial."

Yeah, right...

Oh, and by the way..........

• I don't need larger breasts or a larger penis. I'm very happy with what I have now.
• I don't need Viagra, Cialis, or anything else like that, no matter how you mis-spell it.
• Especially if you mis-spell it and any other words, like Viagra, Cialis, Mortgage, etc.
• I don't need hard-core porn, or any other flavor.
• I don't need a lower mortgage rate. I don't have a mortgage. In Cupertino, California or anywhere else. I own my home free and clear. Can you beat that rate?
• I don't need $50 software, softwarez, warez or any other stolen or counterfeit goods.
• I have software that I do want, and it already deletes about 90% of what tries to get in my intray, including your messages. I've learned how to delete all your crap in about one minute or so, not the five or ten minutes it used to take me to check them all individually. Now, I do "group deletes" without even opening them.
• I have my email set so it doesn't download your pictures, so you'll need another way to verify that I even got your message or that my email address is valid.
• We don't have a meeting later this week.
• The Nigerian phishing expedition is so old it's got gray hair, you morons. No matter what country it comes from.
• The Citibank one, too, and the eBay one, the PayPal one, the Visa and MasterCard ones, too....
• I don't want or need anything free from you, and I know that anything "free" is worth every penny."
• If your return address is .ru, .it, .jp, etc., I laugh and delete. Get a life, losers. Try a new way of making money: earn it. It's a custom in some parts of the world, like the world I live in. It works pretty well in America. You might want to try it some day. If you have any skills that anyone else would pay you for, that is...
• In the same vein, I don't speak Spanish, Portugese, or any of the other languages some of your messages are in. If you think that sending an email to someone who doesn't speak your language is going to be successful, please contact your proctologist to search for your head.
• I don't run red lights, and I'm proud of my custom license plates, so I don't need or want make it invisible to red-light-runner cameras, thanks. If that's how you run your life, I'm just sorry for you, but since you're a danger to me, I'll support laws against your camouflage paint. Oh, and by the way, the "rat light" will get you anyway, and it's just as effective, and it was invented in the last city I lived in. Say "cheese"..... ps. The whole red-light camera thing is a scam to make money for the companies that sell the cameras and the cities that buy them. They don't reduce the incidence of speeding or-red-light running. That's not their purpose.
• Pretty much every email that has a Subject beginning with a number gets trashed, too. 30-year mortgage, 1-minute approval.... all of them
• I didn't miss your phone call; you never called me.
• I toss any message that has any name that I don't recognize in the "From" field.
• I don't need or want a [stolen or replica] Rolex® watch.
• Anything from anyone or anywhere like "876435@relay03.vf.estore.co.jp" gets nailed by my SpamBayes software. Give it up, morons. I thought they were smarter than that in .jp.
• I don't need a green card.
• You do not have a package waiting for me.
• "Relief your pain" ... My pain don't need relieving, you illiterate moron.
• I'm not interested in little boys or teen girls, other than my grandson, grand-daughters and four godchildren. And even then, not in the way you are. Bugger off, morons.
• For the REAL morons, when I get a message like this one,

  Dear Plusaf Member, 
  We have temporarily suspended your email account .
  This might be due to either of the following reasons: 
  1. A recent change in your personal information (i.e. change of address). 
  2. Submiting invalid information during the initial sign up process. 
  3. An innability to accurately verify your selected option of subscription due to an internal error within our processors. 
  See the details to reactivate your Plusaf account. 
  Sincerely,The Plusaf Support Team 

  First, I'll never open an attached .zip file, and second, you moral and mental incompetents, plusaf.com is my site, and I am the Support Team.
  Fracking Duh!

• I don't use or need your drugs.
• I don't give a shit about Oprah or Leno or Letterman or which chocolate or cola tastes better. I don't watch them or drink 'em, either.
• I don't need an auto loan. I pay cash and own both my cars... outright.
• I don't need a home loan or a better mortgage rate; I still don't have a mortgage.
• I will never wear a Rolex.
• You don't need any banking information from me because I don't have any accounts with your bank, assholes.
• I did not place that order with your pharmacy or any other.
• You did not call me yesterday or IM me or anything else. You don't know me from a hole in the ground.
• I can't read or speak Japanese, Russian, Portugese, Spanish, or any of the other languages you're spamming me in....
• I don't need a part-time job with you or from you.
• I don't need your help with eBay. My satisfaction rating is 100% already, without your "help."
• I won't open your attached .pif, .exe or .scr file, either.
• Or .pdf, either.
• I don't care if your boyfriend falls out before you're done. Get a new boyfriend. Or girlfriend.
• You do not have a coupon or prize or credit card for me.
• You can't lower my mortgage payment. I don't have a mortgage.
• You can't lower my credit card balance or interest rates. My credit card is paid off immediately from my savings account. The day the bill gets to the bank.
• You're not lonely, you're either stupid or a spammer or scammer. No way I'll call you. Get a life.
• I don't need a job or a home business [and I won't pay you anything to not help me create one.]
• My wife and my hand think my "d.i.c.k" is just a fine size the way it is. You think that decimal points will fool a spam-catcher? Yeah, you would think that, wouldn't you...
• And Spain, Japan, Russia, Nigeria and all the other countries who think America got to be the way it is through scamming and ripping people off. We didn't. You won't, either.
• Since I do not speak Japanese, Chinese, Portugese, Russian or Spanish, please don't waste your bandwidth sending me messages in your language. I won't read them, let alone reply.